Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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