3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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