She said her name was "party"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
MIDGETS
????
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
