But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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