Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
