But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
