ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
