i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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