i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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