I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
