my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
