we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
