I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
