OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
