Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just pee around me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
