i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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