Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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