dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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