Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
