My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
