dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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