What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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