Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
