I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
