i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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