i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
