I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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