I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
