I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
