2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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