Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
