I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
a search helicopter?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
