I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
