Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You smell like stripper and shame
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
