The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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