Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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