I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
