I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're a waste of cheezeits
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
