There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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