god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
