Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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