Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
