She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
