what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
