Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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