If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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