onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this will be a night to untag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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