Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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