So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
