VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
