I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
