that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
someone owes me an orgasm
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
