This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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