I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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