yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
