I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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