Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
