brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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