Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My liver just broke up with me...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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