about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
