Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
