my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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