She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
