i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
