I heard we made out
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
