I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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