You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
