College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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