When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
