I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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