I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
