You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
